Feeling Stuck? How to Get Out of a Rut

 Let’s talk about that frustrating, almost comically annoying feeling of wanting to change....aaaaaand then just not doing it.

You get all these great ideas, maybe after a trip, a deep conversation with a friend, or watching someone on TikTok who seems to have it all together, and you think:

“Alright. This is it. I’m gonna wake up at 6 a.m., drink a green juice, run a 5K, and reinvent my entire life.”

And maybe you actually do… for a few days, weeks, or even months.

But then, more often than not, you find yourself still in those same sweatpants, scrolling on your phone, and doing none of it.

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You're Not Alone

We’ve all been there—including me.

And as a Certified Transition Intelligence Coach, High-Performance Coach, and Resilience Expert, I’ve seen firsthand why this happens—and how to shift it.

First of all, let’s get something straight:
Change can feel hard, and it’s not because you’re lazy, you don’t care, or you’re incapable of change.

In fact, research shows that only 8% of people who make New Year’s resolutions actually achieve them.

So why does this keep happening?

Because change isn’t just about willpower or drive—it’s about safety.

Stuckness Isn’t a Personal Failure—It’s a Survival Strategy

When we talk about being “stuck,” we often treat it like a personal failure. But in reality, it’s actually your brain doing its job to keep you safe.

Let me give you an example.

Earlier this year, I was on vacation in India with my boyfriend, Santi. We were walking on the beach, and I was talking about all the things I wanted to do when I got home—how I’d focus on my health, my business, all the books I wanted to read. I was SO ready and fired up to get started.

But when I got home… I did none of it.
Literally nothing. I stayed inside, barely saw the light of day, and somehow fell right back into old habits. 

It made no sense! I knew what would make me feel better—moving my body, eating well, seeing friends—but something in me resisted.

Maybe you’ve felt like that before.

Here’s the thing: even positive change can feel like a threat to the nervous system.

Your brain isn’t trying to hold you back on purpose, but it is prioritizing safety over change.

Enter: The Amygdala

This is where your amygdala comes in—the ancient part of your brain responsible for detecting threats and keeping you alive.

Its #1 job? To prioritize survival.

If a saber-tooth tiger walked into your room right now, your amygdala wouldn’t stop to analyze the situation. It wouldn’t say, “Hmm… is this tiger friendly? Maybe it just wants to talk?”

No! It would flood your body with stress hormones and tell you to GET OUTTA THERE—because that’s the safest thing to do.

And while we don’t have saber-tooth tigers roaming around anymore (hopefully), our brains still react the same way when faced with uncertainty.

That means that starting a new habit, putting yourself out there, or changing a routine (even when you know it’s better for you) may feel unsafe to a part of you.

This Happens to High-Achieving Women Too

This is also true for high-achieving women in leadership who plateau at a certain level of success—not because they lack the skills or drive, but because their inner system might not feel safe to:

• Own their accomplishments
  
• Trust their decisions without over-preparing or second-guessing
  
• Say yes to bigger opportunities without fearing they’re “too much” or “not enough”
  

Your brain isn’t working against you—it just needs to know you’re safe.

The Science of Change (HeartMath Institute Research)

As a Certified HeartMath Trainer, I’ve studied how our heart and nervous system process change... not just mentally, but physiologically.

The Institute of HeartMath has over 30 years of published, peer-reviewed research showing how our emotions directly impact our energy, decision-making, and ability to take action.

And their research shows that:

❌ Depleting emotions (frustration, self-doubt, overwhelm) create incoherence in the brain and body—leading to stress, overthinking, and inaction.
✅ Renewing emotions (appreciation, curiosity, love) create coherence—which means clearer thinking, better decision-making, and greater ease in taking action.

This is why pushing through resistance doesn’t always work. It’s like trying to drive with one foot on the gas and one on the brakes. You waste energy and go nowhere.

What to Do Instead

Rather than pushing harder or forcing change, we’ve got to work with our system to create more ease and safety in the brain and body.

One way to do that is with the Quick Coherence Technique®—a simple yet powerful HeartMath tool that helps you shift from stress to ease in less than a minute.

It only has two steps. So simple you’re gonna wish you had this technique in your pocket sooner.

You can do it with your eyes open, in meetings, traffic, or during a full-on meditation—anytime, anywhere.

Here’s how it works:

Step 1: Heart-Focused Breathing

Focus your attention in the area of your heart.
Imagine your breath is flowing in and out of your heart or chest area, finding a nice easy rhythm that’s comfortable for you.

Step 2: Activate a Renewing Emotion

As you continue heart-focused breathing, make a sincere attempt to experience a renewing feeling like appreciation or care for someone or something in your life.
It could be a memory, a pet, a place in nature, or just the feeling of calm or ease.

Even a few seconds of this shift creates more coherence in your system.

This practice is like eating your veggies or working out—the more you do it, the more your system stops treating change like a threat and starts seeing it as safe.

I Practice This Myself

After that trip to India, I finally paused, tuned into my system, and got coherent using this technique.

Turns out, I wasn’t just stuck—I was exhausted. We’d been traveling for two weeks, visiting six cities, and flying back home for close to 24 hours.

My system didn’t need motivation—it needed rest.

So instead of pushing forward, I gave myself a recovery day.

And after that, I felt more refreshed and ready to step into my routine.

Final Thought

If you’re feeling stuck, it’s not because you’re failing.

It’s because something inside you needs time, safety, or space before it’s ready to move forward.

The more we work with our system—instead of forcing ourselves through it—the easier change becomes.

So today, instead of pushing against resistance… what if you gave yourself just a little more space?

And if you’re ready to take it one step further, I invite you to play this 12-minute guided Havening meditation next to help you shift and reset your state in the moment.

Much love!