How Some People Instantly Build Trust (And How You Can Too)

connection impact leadership Jun 16, 2025

Let’s Be Honest About Social Awkwardness

Have you ever met someone and, within seconds, you just clicked? The conversation flowed, everything felt easy, and you walked away thinking, Wow, I really like them.

And then… you’ve also met people where no matter how hard you tried, the vibe was just off. The energy felt disconnected, the conversation was forced, and by the end, you were exhausted.

What if I told you those “instant connections” aren’t just about luck or personality—but about something happening unconsciously? And that you can actually learn how to create that sense of connection with almost anyone?

That’s what we’re diving into today.
It all comes down to one thing: rapport.

As a Certified Master Practitioner of NLP (Neuro-Linguistic Programming), I’ve seen how this works in real-time. Whether you're trying to build trust in a business setting, improve personal relationships, or just not feel awkward at networking events or dinner parties—this is a skill that can literally change how you connect with people.


Prefer to watch the video version? Click below!

 


What Is NLP Rapport?

The NLP approach to rapport draws from the work of Milton Erickson—one of the greatest hypnotherapists of all time. He understood something crucial:
Your unconscious mind is far more powerful than your conscious mind.

By the time you’re 35, 95–98% of your behaviors, thoughts, and decisions happen unconsciously. (It’s the reason you can drive home, zone out, and still arrive at the right place.)

So if you want to build real trust with people, it’s not just about what you say—you need to connect with them on an unconscious level.
And the key to doing that? Matching and mirroring.


Why Matching and Mirroring Works

You’ve probably seen this in action without realizing it.
When people are in sync, they naturally mirror each other.

I remember going to a family gathering with my boyfriend, Santi, and we laughed noticing that his dad and his friends were all standing in the exact same way: weight shifted to the right leg, arms crossed, head tilted. Total sync.

Or think of a couple really into each other on a date—leaning in at the same time, using the same language, laughing similarly.

Why does this happen?
Because when people are like each other, they like each other.

The best part? You can consciously create this sense of connection—without it being weird or forced.


Communication Is More Than Words

Most of us focus on what to say. But here’s the truth:

  • Words are only 7% of communication
  • Tone of voice is 38%
  • Body language makes up a massive 55%

That means how you speak and how you carry yourself matter far more than the words you choose.


How to Instantly Build Rapport with Anyone

Rapport isn’t about tricking people or being fake. It’s about creating a sense of sameness so their unconscious mind says:
“This person is like me. I feel safe. I trust them.”

Here’s a personal story that illustrates how powerful this really is.

When I Used This in Real Life…

I once had a potential client—let’s call her Emma.
She didn’t even want to be on the call. Her opening line was:

"Listen, I’m meeting with you as a favor. Coaching doesn’t work for me. I’m not interested. Honestly, I can leave right now. I don’t want to waste your time."

Her energy matched her words:
Hunched shoulders. Arms crossed. Flat tone. Zero openness.

Most people would have tried to convince her. Or given up.
Instead, I practiced rapport. I...

  • Matched her energy by keeping my tone calm and level
  • Mirrored her body language subtly—leaned back slightly, just like her
  • Paced her resistance. I didn’t argue. I agreed and gently redirected, saying: “That’s totally fair. So what’s important for you to take away from this call?”

That small seed of alignment changed everything.
She relaxed. Her voice softened. And by the end of the call?

“Okay… how do I get started? This is the only kind of coaching I’d ever want to sign up for.”

Why?
Because I matched her first, built rapport, and then paced and led the conversation.


Here’s How You Can Do It Too

We can build rapport on three levels:

  1. Physiology (body language)
  2. Tone of voice
  3. Words and shared experiences

Let’s break them down.

1. Match & Mirror Physiology

This means subtly matching someone’s:

  • Posture (Are they upright or relaxed?)
  • Gestures (Big hand movements or still?)
  • Breathing (Fast or slow?)
  • Facial expressions
  • Touch (Handshake strength, etc.)

Example:
If someone is leaning back with arms crossed, don’t copy them exactly—but you might casually lean back a little, too.

2. Match Their Tone of Voice

Your tone, pace, and volume say more than your words ever will.

  • Tone: Calm, confident, warm?
  • Pace: Fast or slow?
  • Volume: Quiet or animated?

Example:
If someone speaks slowly and softly, and you come in loud and fast, it creates a disconnect. But if you match their tone and pace? They feel safe and seen.

3. Mirror Their Language & Find Common Ground

People love when others speak their language—literally and figuratively.

  • Use the same key words they do (e.g., “excited” vs. “happy”)
  • Find shared experiences or interests

Example:
If they mention being “overwhelmed,” use that same word back in conversation. It creates subtle connection.


 

The Key: Subtlety & Authenticity

Don’t overdo it. The point isn’t to copy someone like a robot.

Avoid:

  • Copying every gesture
  • Repeating exact words excessively
  • Making your mirroring noticeable

Try:

  • Matching one or two elements at a time
  • Prioritizing your focus on connection

At its core, rapport is about making people feel seen, heard, and understood. And when people feel that, they trust you.


It's an Energy Exchange

Whether you're leading a team, closing a deal, or deepening your personal relationships, rapport is the foundation of trust. And trust isn’t built with words alone—it’s felt.

As Tony Robbins says,

“The quality of your life is the quality of your relationships.”

And trust isn’t built through words alone. It’s felt.

So as you move through your day, notice how you naturally mirror the people you already feel connected to (family, friends, etc.). Then, begin to practice it with intention—gently, authentically, and skillfully. 


 

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